Where I am gonna be in my life next year at this moment ...

How I am gonna feel ...

 " Automat" By Edward Hopper in 1927

These days are hard, stretching long and cold, leaving me drained, hurt, and tired. They steal my energy, bruise my spirit, and leave me searching for warmth.

I crave the quiet—just a moment to be alone, far from whatever drain my strength, test my patience, and dim the light in me.

I dream of being surrounded by souls of depth and grace, with high standards and hearts full of kindness. 

I feel adrift, lost in the storm of my struggles.

I need a pause, a reprieve—a breath of something good. I long for love, care, and the gentle spark of happiness to remind me that life still holds meaning waiting to be unfolded...

 

Bittersweet

There’s no other word for it.

After more than 20 years, this is where I’ve landed… A place of disappointment, of solitude.

Yet here I am, holding on, not because it’s easy, but because I know I deserve more. I have to keep going, if only for the promise of my own happiness.

It’s one of those moments when I feel ‘I didn’t deserve this…’ filled to the brim with love and care, but people... oh, people — they disappoint.

To soothe my heart, I searched through the past, hoping to find even a sliver of comfort, a reminder that I was once loved. And then I found it — your voice from last April…

God, how much I needed to hear those words again...

 مردهای زندگی من تو زرد از اب در اومدن!!د

 

It’s been just three months, yet it feels like a lifetime—as if you were never truly a part of my world.

What surprises me most is how little I’ve missed you, especially compared to last year.

There’s been no overwhelming pain, no lingering sadness.

It’s been easier than I expected, and far less difficult than I imagined.

I’ve been immersed in my own life—caught up in material distractions, health challenges, and the everyday struggles of simply living.

In focusing on myself, I’ve realized how time has softened the edges of the past.

My life feels fuller now, though in a different way.

It’s strange how life moves forward, even when a chapter comes to an end.

 

Finally, it is over, 

This time for good!. 

Thanks to You for giving me all the reasons, so I could finally letting go of this whatever it was but LOVE!

I NEVER thought I might experience this much pain and regret with you!

and obviously, I NEVER knew you well enough to find out you didn't deserve it AT ALL!

THANK YOU for cutting all the bondings tonight!

Just get out of my heart and GO TO HELL! 

I don't need your love, caring and respect! 

YES, I am angry and disappointed as you gave me all the reasons to HATE YOU MOVING FORWARD coward!

Unknown!

P.S. Hey Beautiful, Next time you miss him or some of your memories about this relationship, come here and read this post and remind yourself what you have gone through tonight and all the reasons got you here!!!!!

  

 

Desire

Chicago

Reality

 

On that day, 

I promised myself, 

I live a life I deserve! 

I promise myself in 2024, 

I will be closer to the one I want to be 

and the one I want to be with,

 

Keep reminding myself 

just take small steps honey... 

Stay focus

Don't give up

and Don't let the emotional turbulence of others

 take away YOU 💚

 

سرنوشت را باید از سر نوشت

شاید این بار کمی بهتر نوشت 

عاشقی را غرق در باور نوشت 

غصه ها را قصه ای دیگر نوشت

Not  trying to remember this day, cos it has been one of the worse days of my life. 

I am writing to remind  myself that everything is temporary even a sad day will not last forever. 

But don't let the foot print of  it in your memory scares you or make you sad. 

It should make you proud of yourself that despite all these difficult times in your life, you keep going. 

 

 I missed you Daddy, missed you soooo much...

 

خیلی بهم ریخته و قاطی ام از دیروز 

البته می دونم چرا

یکم زمان لازم دارم

همش می خوام قوی باشم و هی به خودم می گم تو نیاز به اون و این نداری  

گاهی اما  از قوی بودن خسته می شم و 

دلم یه اغوش بی دغدغه می خواد 

...

 

Happy Birthday ...

 

Every time I see pictures like this, it reminds me of the pure joy and peace we used to have, while  spending time together in places like this ... like Carla's house... 

 Woodwick Candle, 

Flowers, 

Coffee, 

Morning meditation music

Good morning Universe, let's have an amazing day...

دلم یکم گرفته

خسته کارهم هستم.

 ناراحت هم هستم . بیشتر از همه از دست خودم 

!  نمی دونم چرا اما زود جوش میارم 

 ...دست خودم نیست 

بگذریم 

دلم تنگه 

دیگه خیلی هم نمی دونم واسه چی تنگه

از بس که سعی می کنم روی ذهنم  و فکرهام مسلط باشم 

 وبرگردم به روتین خودم و مثبت باشم و خلاصه حالم خوب باشه  

دیگه احساساتم غرو قاطیه 

!نمی دونم چی می خوام یا چی باید بخوام 

دلم دو کلمه حرف حساب می خواد

که دلم بلکه بکم باز شه

...

دنبال وبلاگ "دیوونه"  بودم 

قدیما خیلی می خوندمش و نوشته ها شو دوست داشتم

باید بگردم پیداش کنم

خسته ام از این احساس غمی که هی هر از گاهی از ته اعماق وجودم  میاد بالا و خودنمایی می کنه و من هی سعی می کنم بهش رو ندم و پسش می زنم 

....

دلم حال خوب می خواد

 دلم حس خوشحالی می خواد اون ته ته دلم

این بار چقدر طول می کشه که زخم ها التیام پیدا کنن؟ 

 زندگی گاها چه بی معنا بیچیده می شه 

هر چقدر هم حواست باشه باز می بینی چه الکی از لای انگشتات گریز می کنه 

این روزا  و این ادمها رو نمی فهمم

 چرا خوشحالی و لبخند رو از خودمون و همدیگه دریغ می کنیم

Hello universe ...

It's my birthday again! 😊 Those who know me well enough know that my birthday is an important day for me. It's not just because I was born, but because I consider it "my day" out of the entire year. I usually pause and take a break from daily life, reflect on my life, and appreciate all that I have accomplished, as well as the people in my life who love and care for me.

I feel fortunate for all of these, and I celebrate my day by doing something fun because I believe I deserve it. 

let’s cherish life in the midst of its highs and lows, not letting it to slip  away  in the chaos of our daily lives, we only live once...

Cheers🥂🌹

 

I just wanna ask you the one last question...

"So, ... are you happy now, and feel relieved?!"

 

 

Peace,

Joy,

Gentleness,

Wisdom,

Patience, 

Kindness,

 loved ones... (Real ones!)

&

Letting go...

~ My Life these days