Me and my new chapter ...

Hard Days Will Come, But I Will NOT Lose Myself

 

Hard days will come—that is certain. Change brings pain, uncertainty, and moments of doubt. But no matter how difficult the road ahead, I will NOT lose myself.

I will NOT drown in sadness or fear. I will not let heartbreak define me. I will allow myself to feel, to grieve, but I will also remind myself: I am still here. I am still standing. I am still capable of healing and rebuilding.

Grief may visit, but it will not consume me.
Fear may whisper, but it will not control me.
Memories may flood in uninvited, but I will not live in the past.

I am more than who I was before. I am becoming stronger, wiser, and braver. A brighter future awaits me, and I will step into it—one day at a time.

Every hard day will pass. Old, bitter memories will fade, making space for new, beautiful ones. Peace will come. Healing will come. And soon, I will no longer measure my worth through someone else’s eyes.

This is NOT the end. This is just a transition. And beyond this pain, there is peace, hope, and a future waiting for me.

I will hold on to that.
I will keep moving forward.

 

I had a lovely evening with two dear friends last night

opening up about my vulnerability and pain, 

and feeling deeply grateful for their empathy, love, and support. 

I look forward to the day, hopefully not too far from now, when I can raise a glass and share my happiness with them instead...

 

The past is behind me,  

the pain, 

the mistakes,

the unanswered questions, 

I have carried them long enough, but now

I choose to set them down.

Today, I close this chapter, not with regret, but with gratitude for the lessons that shaped me.

i am not looking back.

I am stepping forward - towards the life I have always deserved...

A fresh start , a new beginning, 

and a future that truly is mine.

Here is to strength, to growth, and to finally choosing myself. 

    

 

A Family Day to Remember

Today is Family Day, what a coincidence!!

After weeks of deep reflection, this morning, I finally made a life-changing decision — 

a turning point for the sake of my emotional and mental well-being. 

After 25 years ... !!

         It wasn’t easy at all, but I know it’s the right step forward.

This Family Day will be one I’ll NEVER forget.

But more than anything, I hope that one day, I’ll have a family with whom I can truly cherish the meaning and beauty of togetherness.

...

 

The past couple of days have been unbearably painful and heartbreaking.
It feels like I was suddenly pushed off a cliff. I had sensed some signs that things weren’t quite right lately, but never to this extent. The pain is far deeper than I ever imagined - especially when it blindsides you.
After going this far, at this stage in life… it’s hard to process.

I wish I could go into hibernation for a whole year - just sleep through the storm and wake up when the dust has settled, when I’ve made it through the hardest chapter of my life, and when this unexpected trauma is finally behind me...

 

Where I am gonna be in my life next year at this moment ...

How I am gonna feel ...

 " Automat" By Edward Hopper in 1927

These days are hard, stretching long and cold, leaving me drained, hurt, and tired. They steal my energy, bruise my spirit, and leave me searching for warmth.

I crave the quiet—just a moment to be alone, far from whatever drain my strength, test my patience, and dim the light in me.

I dream of being surrounded by souls of depth and grace, with high standards and hearts full of kindness. 

I feel adrift, lost in the storm of my struggles.

I need a pause, a reprieve—a breath of something good. I long for love, care, and the gentle spark of happiness to remind me that life still holds meaning waiting to be unfolded...

 

Bittersweet

There’s no other word for it.

After more than 20 years, this is where I’ve landed… A place of disappointment, of solitude.

Yet here I am, holding on, not because it’s easy, but because I know I deserve more. I have to keep going, if only for the promise of my own happiness.

It’s one of those moments when I feel ‘I didn’t deserve this…’ filled to the brim with love and care, but people... oh, people — they disappoint.

To soothe my heart, I searched through the past, hoping to find even a sliver of comfort, a reminder that I was once loved. And then I found it — your voice from last April…

God, how much I needed to hear those words again...

 مردهای زندگی من تو زرد از اب در اومدن!!د

 

It’s been just three months, yet it feels like a lifetime—as if you were never truly a part of my world.

What surprises me most is how little I’ve missed you, especially compared to last year.

There’s been no overwhelming pain, no lingering sadness.

It’s been easier than I expected, and far less difficult than I imagined.

I’ve been immersed in my own life—caught up in material distractions, health challenges, and the everyday struggles of simply living.

In focusing on myself, I’ve realized how time has softened the edges of the past.

My life feels fuller now, though in a different way.

It’s strange how life moves forward, even when a chapter comes to an end.

 

Finally, it is over, 

This time for good!. 

Thanks to You for giving me all the reasons, so I could finally letting go of this whatever it was but LOVE!

I NEVER thought I might experience this much pain and regret with you!

and obviously, I NEVER knew you well enough to find out you didn't deserve it AT ALL!

THANK YOU for cutting all the bondings tonight!

Just get out of my heart and GO TO HELL! 

I don't need your love, caring and respect! 

YES, I am angry and disappointed as you gave me all the reasons to HATE YOU MOVING FORWARD coward!

Unknown!

P.S. Hey Beautiful, Next time you miss him or some of your memories about this relationship, come here and read this post and remind yourself what you have gone through tonight and all the reasons got you here!!!!!

  

 

Desire

Chicago

Reality

 

On that day, 

I promised myself, 

I live a life I deserve! 

I promise myself in 2024, 

I will be closer to the one I want to be 

and the one I want to be with,

 

Keep reminding myself 

just take small steps honey... 

Stay focus

Don't give up

and Don't let the emotional turbulence of others

 take away YOU 💚

 

سرنوشت را باید از سر نوشت

شاید این بار کمی بهتر نوشت 

عاشقی را غرق در باور نوشت 

غصه ها را قصه ای دیگر نوشت

Not  trying to remember this day, cos it has been one of the worse days of my life. 

I am writing to remind  myself that everything is temporary even a sad day will not last forever. 

But don't let the foot print of  it in your memory scares you or make you sad. 

It should make you proud of yourself that despite all these difficult times in your life, you keep going. 

 

 I missed you Daddy, missed you soooo much...

 

خیلی بهم ریخته و قاطی ام از دیروز 

البته می دونم چرا

یکم زمان لازم دارم

همش می خوام قوی باشم و هی به خودم می گم تو نیاز به اون و این نداری  

گاهی اما  از قوی بودن خسته می شم و 

دلم یه اغوش بی دغدغه می خواد 

...

 

Happy Birthday ...

 

Every time I see pictures like this, it reminds me of the pure joy and peace we used to have, while  spending time together in places like this ... like Carla's house... 

 Woodwick Candle, 

Flowers, 

Coffee, 

Morning meditation music

Good morning Universe, let's have an amazing day...

دلم یکم گرفته

خسته کارهم هستم.

 ناراحت هم هستم . بیشتر از همه از دست خودم 

!  نمی دونم چرا اما زود جوش میارم 

 ...دست خودم نیست 

بگذریم 

دلم تنگه 

دیگه خیلی هم نمی دونم واسه چی تنگه

از بس که سعی می کنم روی ذهنم  و فکرهام مسلط باشم 

 وبرگردم به روتین خودم و مثبت باشم و خلاصه حالم خوب باشه  

دیگه احساساتم غرو قاطیه 

!نمی دونم چی می خوام یا چی باید بخوام 

دلم دو کلمه حرف حساب می خواد

که دلم بلکه بکم باز شه

...

دنبال وبلاگ "دیوونه"  بودم 

قدیما خیلی می خوندمش و نوشته ها شو دوست داشتم

باید بگردم پیداش کنم

خسته ام از این احساس غمی که هی هر از گاهی از ته اعماق وجودم  میاد بالا و خودنمایی می کنه و من هی سعی می کنم بهش رو ندم و پسش می زنم 

....

دلم حال خوب می خواد

 دلم حس خوشحالی می خواد اون ته ته دلم

این بار چقدر طول می کشه که زخم ها التیام پیدا کنن؟ 

 زندگی گاها چه بی معنا بیچیده می شه 

هر چقدر هم حواست باشه باز می بینی چه الکی از لای انگشتات گریز می کنه 

این روزا  و این ادمها رو نمی فهمم

 چرا خوشحالی و لبخند رو از خودمون و همدیگه دریغ می کنیم

Hello universe ...

It's my birthday again! 😊 Those who know me well enough know that my birthday is an important day for me. It's not just because I was born, but because I consider it "my day" out of the entire year. I usually pause and take a break from daily life, reflect on my life, and appreciate all that I have accomplished, as well as the people in my life who love and care for me.

I feel fortunate for all of these, and I celebrate my day by doing something fun because I believe I deserve it. 

let’s cherish life in the midst of its highs and lows, not letting it to slip  away  in the chaos of our daily lives, we only live once...

Cheers🥂🌹

 

I just wanna ask you the one last question...

"So, ... are you happy now, and feel relieved?!"

 

 

Peace,

Joy,

Gentleness,

Wisdom,

Patience, 

Kindness,

 loved ones... (Real ones!)

&

Letting go...

~ My Life these days 

!دلم بغل می خواد 

  یه وقتهایی  مثل الان  یهویی دلم یه جوری  تنگ می شه که انگار نه انگار که ...د

 دلم بغلت رو می خواد

خیلی

 مثل اون روز صبح

...

 پاورقی:  ...کی همه این مموری ها پاک می شن؟ 

 

Real freedom comes from acceptance. Only when you embrace pain, sorrow and confusion as part of the human experience, can you find ease and peace inside....

So, believe in yourself  Beautiful...

 

Happy Norouz to you too.

 

 

انگاری هر کار که می کنی یه جوری زندگی از لای انگشتهات می خواد بلغزه بره 

اصلا هم به راحتی و سادگیی که هی می گن "جوی فول" باش و زندگی رو سخت نگیر نیست 

.تو هم بخوای سخت نگیری وارامش داشته باشی زندگی بهت سخت می گیره